I used to pride myself on how resilient I was. I could put up with all sorts of garbage at work and in fact I used to think it was one of my superpowers.
How I could let the misogynist and professional slurs go without ruffling my feathers.
How I could deal with the obstructions during executive meetings when I or one of my team was presenting information that others didn’t want to hear.
How I refused to play power games believing that I didn’t need to hang others - they were perfectly capable of doing it themselves.
I thought I could hover above the hurt, the shock, the pain and the humiliation and for a long time I did.
What I didn’t realise at the time which I’ve come to understand now, is that resilience isn’t about rising above the bad behaviour of others. It isn’t eye rolling and accepting that that’s “just the way so-and-so is”. It’s not about becoming stoic to avoid the real emotions that come about when we form relationships at work.
Resilience is about being able to go to work, feel the feels, deal with the issues and recover and evolve from the experience.
Not shrink
Not build a thicker skin
Not build even more walls.
Resilience is about opening ourselves up to the experience. It’s about knowing how to regulate our nervous system (which will be different for each of us), so we open up to possibility, not shut down down in fear and shame.
We build resilience from the inside out. By understanding ourselves, our beliefs, our behaviours and our relationship patterns.
Why? Because when we do this, we lose the panic that comes from feeling out of control. We understand what is happening inside of us and the reasons behind it. We access the wisdom that lives inside us that gives us the confidence and the courage needed to deal with hard things. We unlock our own resourcefulness. Our ability to problem solve, to look at things objectively and respond appropriately and in alignment with our values.
The answer is never outside of us. It’s always inside. We need to learn to trust ourselves again, and that my friend is at the very HEART of resilience.
PS This is why I've added Hearthealing™ to my offerings. If we really are to grow, evolve and access the very best of ourselves we need to do the inner work to build our resilience and grow the confidence needed to trust ourselves as leaders again. I have a brand new 1:1, 9 week package available to the next four women who sign up at a never to be repeated introductory price (the price will double once these remaining packages are sold). If you’d like more information, send me an email with the word RESILIENCE in the subject line and I’ll send you over the details.
Comments